Every night I save you
by emptyvessels
Summary: Gale reflects on what he could have done.


Inspired by a line of dialogue taken from _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games, nor do I own the words used at the beginning of this fic. They are taken directly from the season 6 episode of _Buffy_ entitled _Afterlife_. I guess I should warn there are slight spoilers there if you care?

_"I want you to know I did save you. Not when it counted, of course. But after that. Every night after that. I'd see it all again, do something different. Faster or more clever, you know? Dozens of times, lots of different ways …Every night I save you."_

I.

He doesn't feel the shards of glass pierce the rough and calloused skin of his hands. He doesn't notice the tears in his clothing or the fact that a rusty old metal pipe had managed to dig its way into his calf until he looks down and winces at the sight of it. He doesn't feel anything but determination and the crippling fear that maybe this time, it won't be enough. He won't make it. None of them will.

Not once does he let this thought fully cross his mind. Though the terror is certainly there, he forces it down and uses all of his will power to concentrate on getting everyone he can out alive. His family and Katniss' were his first priority, of course. He nearly loses his balance climbing over the rubble and ruins of District 12 on his way to Mayor Undersee's home.

He knows the moment he lets himself think he's too late is the moment that he loses, so he carries on the only way he knows how: stubbornly. Like he's got nothing left to lose, though that's far from the truth.

By the time he reaches the Undersee home, it's all but raining fire. Even in his wildest nightmares, even during the most terrifying of games he'd ever witnessed, he could have never imagined something like this. He thought he'd known terror; thought that being from the Seam and losing his father and losing Katniss to the arena (and Peeta, for that matter, but that was another story) _twice_, he'd understood what true agony really was.

But he was wrong. Nothing in the world could compare to watching an entire civilization crumble, being forced to watch on helplessly as people you knew burned before your very eyes, their deafening, agonizing cries for help being the last sound you will ever hear them make.

Nothing could have prepared him for this.

He slips into a small opening in the growing pile of ash, wood, and steel and runs towards the burning house with all the power he could muster. He nearly stops to a complete halt at the sound of a bloodcurdling shriek coming from the direction of the burning building, but forces himself to keep going. _No slowing down_, he reminded himself. _Not for anything_.

Within minutes, he's inside the collapsing structure, following the sounds of screams upstairs until he finds himself in front of Madge's open door and sees her crawling across the floor towards her window, ready to jump out as a means to escape.

Without saying a word, he rushes across the room towards her, coughing his way through the smoke-filled air. He wraps his large arms around her tiny frame and swoops her up over his shoulder. "Madge," he manages to cough out. "Your parents?"

Her eyes barely open to look at his and she shakes her head slowly, unable to speak. She doesn't need to. Gale knows she means to say they hadn't survived.

"Okay," he says, his voice urgent and stern. "I'm going to need you to stay with me, Madge! I've got you. Don't leave me, okay? Don't you leave."

He says it as more of a wish than a command.

II.

Normally, Gale doesn't work well with others. But with the future of Panem in his hands and the promise of a revolution on the rise, he has to. Too many lives were on the line. Wars can't be won alone.

This is, after all, what he's wanted all along. Only it's happening all too fast and he can't seem to figure out what his next move will be before the next obstacle presents itself to him.

But he's not alone, so when he sees one of the other rescuers approaching him as he walks towards safety with a group of children from the Seam, he doesn't hesitate to ask.

"The Undersees. Are they…?" his voice trails off, shuddering at the mere thought of Madge and her family being burned alive.

The tall, dark-faced man just shrugged his shoulders. A familiar face. Gale must have worked with him in the mines, but his brain was failing to connect his face to a name now.

"Can you make sure these kids get there alright?" Gale asks as he sends the children towards him. "And then come meet me at the mayor's home."

"No problem, Hawthorne," he says. Gale would feel guiltier about not remembering his name now, but it hardly seems important given the circumstances.

Moments later, he finds himself outside his destination, his nameless friend in the distance headed towards him. Together, they manage to get inside. Nameless is able to reach the mayor, though his wife is badly injured and things do not look too well. Still, if there is any chance that she'll make it, she is a risk worth taking and together with Mayor Undersee, he manages to get her out of the burning house without much complication.

Gale's first instinct is to find Madge. This time, he doesn't hear her whimpering until he's close enough. She is huddled underneath the grand piano, shaken with sobs and confused. He runs to her and holds out his hand, waiting for her to grab onto it. Her blue eyes widen at the sight of Gale and there is a brief moment of indecision between them, as if she isn't sure any of this is really happening. With the way he'd acted just a few days earlier, he couldn't really blame her.

"Come _on_," he urges, growing impatient and grabbing onto her wrist so tight that his nails dig into her skin and she winces in pain. He forcefully gets her out just in time; the building beginning to collapse in on itself the minute they tumble out into the ash-filled streets.

Madge groans in pain but perseveres, holding onto Gale's shoulder for support as she regains enough balance and strength to walk on her own. Eventually, they catch up with her parents and Nameless and Madge is grateful to see that her parents made it out alive.

"This is it, huh?" she looks up at Gale, her eyes filled with this undeterminable expression that he almost confuses for exhaustion. "The fight you've been waiting for?"

"Yeah," Gale drops his head and stares at the ground, but does not stop walking. "It is."

She grabs a hold of his arm again, this time to give it a reassuring squeeze. "Thank you," she whispers softly, just loud enough for him to hear.

He lifts his head and their eyes meet again. The best response he can offer her though is a slight, sad smile.

"I'm in this," she says. "I mean, I know I'm not super strong or anything, but I'll gladly help in any way that I can. You know I will."

"Good," he responds. "Because you'll have to."

III.

The bombs continue to explode in the blackening skies above. The air smells of smoke and chemicals and burning flesh, and filled with the cries of innocent citizens. Everything that tells him to abandon all hope is what keeps him hopeful. Keeps him moving.

"Gale!" a voice calls out from behind him. He turns around to see that the mayor's daughter had made it, after all. He hadn't had much time during evacuation to reach everyone, and had passed by her home to find that no one was there.

"Madge!" he shouts as they begin to run towards each other, not even slowing down once he reaches her. He grabs on to her waist with one hand and pulls her into him, Madge shrieks at the abrupt contact, and together, they lock hands and swiftly turn around to run back towards the exit into the woods.

"Whatever you do, run and don't stop moving, alright?" he demands.

"But Gale!" she cries. Her eyes scan the ruins of their home behind him and then returns her gaze to meet his. _I can't leave you here, _they tell him.

"You have to trust me. Please… Go, keep moving!"

Madge does as she is told and disperses into the woods. Gale looks around one last time to make sure that there was no one alive left behind in the distance and takes a quick final look around the Seam. As he heads back towards the woods to follow Madge and the rest of the District 12 fugitives into the woods, he hears one last pop and the world goes black.

This time, it is he that does not make it out alive.

IV.

This time it starts earlier and he doesn't ask her to go when she shows up at his doorstep unannounced with a basket of freshly baked goods. It starts off just as any other day, and he invites her in without giving it a second thought.

She's here with him, and she's not going anywhere.

They stay in his living room with his brothers and baby Posy for what feels like hours, impatiently watching the television set for Katniss and the others, completely unaware of what the later hours of the day would hold. Whenever she senses his trepidation over the games, Madge silently grabs onto Gale's hand gives it a tight squeeze, the two of them sharing the same worried expression.

It's late when the first round of bombs go off, and she's still there with him, her head resting tiredly on his shoulder as her body drifts in and out of sleep.

He gets her out of there with his family and Katniss' before the worst of it all begins.

V.

He awakens every night in an empty bed in an empty room, with an empty, heavy heart.

The war is over now, and he's won, and he's so proud of himself and of everyone in Panem for fighting and living to make it to this day, a day he'd never actually thought he would live to see.

But still, no victory, no matter how great, could fill this emptiness in him. An emptiness he didn't know he could feel and couldn't see himself ever getting used to; a cold, dim absence of the only light and warmth he'd ever felt before in his life. And there was no one to blame but himself.


End file.
